How to Stop Mind Reading & Clarify Expectations
Relational skill #2
The stories we tell ourselves have an enormous impact on our feelings. Often, especially in our relationships, we can tell ourselves stories that aren’t true.
Assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling can quickly become hidden landmines in our relationships. In this week’s Faith & Feelings episode, my clinical supervisor Carley and I unpack our second relational skill for emotionally healthy relationships. This skill has two parts to it:
How to stop mind reading.
How to clarify expectations.
I think you’re going to find this conversation both thought-provoking and really practical. Listen in:
Or listen to the episode on Spotify or YouTube.
Towards the end of our conversation, Carley and I unpacked four key questions that can help us discern whether an expectation in a relationship is valid or invalid. These questions are designed to bring clarity—both internally and relationally—around the often-unspoken assumptions we carry (be sure to listen to the episode for a more in-depth exploration):
Conscious – Am I aware that I have this expectation?
Realistic – Is this expectation reasonable? Why or why not?
Spoken – Have I clearly communicated this expectation to the other person?
Agreed Upon – Has the other person agreed to this expectation?
As pastor and author Pete Scazzero wisely puts it, “An expectation is only valid when it has been mutually agreed upon.”
Here are a few questions to consider for reflection this week:
Think about a recent story when what you were thinking or feeling about someone was untrue, or you misinterpreted the behavior of another person without checking it out. What did you end up believing incorrectly until you heard the whole story?
What might be an expectation you have of God that was never agreed upon by him?
Journeying together,
Taylor Joy